Why America Isn't Good At Soccer

I say that America isn't good at soccer, when, in fact, America can compete quite well. They obviously made it into the World Cup, so they must be able to beat someone. I'm not positive at what point in time it was that some American said, "This whole thing of not being able to touch the ball with your hands is stupid" and then commenced to pick up a ball and throw it and continued calling it football. That's our first problem. But the biggest problem that America has in this strange game that the rest of the world is so fascinated with - we don't sell our fouls. Watch a hard foul occur in basketball and a man who has just been jumped on by three other men, who all stand over six feet tall and weigh 250 pounds, will immediately jump up and try to take on the entire team. And coaches. And fans. And their mothers. The most popular soccer player of any other nation when tripped is more than willing to lay face down in the grass, holding his head and crying for as long as it takes to try to convince the ref that what just occurred was attempted murder. Instead of rolling with the (literal) punches, maybe Americans should take a page out of the international playbook. We are playing their game after all.